Leslie M.B.

The Two Kinds of Marriage No One Talks About

This is Part 2 of the “Marriage Pressure” blog series. In Part 1, I exposed the constant pressure placed on women to pray, fix, and forgive in silence while men often get a pass. But there’s another layer that no one talks about — how we’ve been taught to call suffering “maturity.”

→ Missed Part 1? Read: “Why Is It Always the Woman?”

They love to say marriage is for the mature.

And at first, that sounds noble.

Until you realize “mature” really just means:

A woman who can sit in a broken situation without shaking the table.

She stays even when her spirit is crushed.

She swallows betrayal.

She stops checking the phone, not because there’s trust, but because there’s no energy left to fight.

And they clap for her.

Call her wise. Strong. Loyal.

But I’ve learned something:

There’s a difference between maturity and survival.

⚖️ There are two kinds of marriages people don’t like to admit exist:

1. The Survival Marriage

Where one person (usually the woman) is holding everything together.

Where “maturity” is measured by how quiet she stays.

Where time is used as a badge of success — not healing, not joy, just duration.

She prays. She carries the emotional and spiritual load.

She’s tired. But they say she’s “strong.”

She’s broken. But they say she’s “mature.”

What they really mean is: She stayed, so let’s not ask what she’s silently surviving.

2. The Maturing Marriage

This is the one nobody teaches us to expect.

Where both people grow.

Where accountability goes both ways.

Where the husband doesn’t expect a live-in therapist, mother, or servant — he shows up, leads, repents, loves, learns.

Where staying doesn’t feel like dying.

Where peace is mutual, not manufactured.

Where no one has to carry 100% alone while the other floats by on good intentions.

This is real maturity.

🧠 So when people say:

“You’re just not mature enough for marriage…”

What they often mean is:

“You’re no longer willing to suffer silently.”

And I’m okay with that.

Because if maturity means sacrificing my joy, self-worth, and sanity just to keep a title?

I don’t want that version of marriage.

I want the kind where love is active, growth is shared, and staying doesn’t feel like slow emotional death.

Some women stayed in long marriages — but not because it was beautiful.

They stayed because they were scared, conditioned, or silenced.

And we’ve been taught to admire them.

But staying in pain for 20 years isn’t holiness — it’s hidden heartbreak.

Maturity isn’t silence.

Maturity is discernment.

It’s knowing the difference between holding on for purpose… and holding on out of fear.

It’s not rebellion to protect your peace.

It’s not weakness to leave a one-sided story.

And it’s not immature to want more than just survival.

🔗 Want to revisit Part 1?

→ Why Is It Always the Woman?

A bold truth piece exposing the pressure women face to hold marriages together alone.