Leslie M.B.

Stop People Pleasing: 5 Practical Steps to Start Prioritizing Yourself

Have you ever caught yourself saying “yes” to things you didn’t want to do just to avoid upsetting someone? Maybe you constantly put others’ needs ahead of your own, thinking it’s the “right” thing to do. But here’s the truth: people-pleasing isn’t kindness—it’s self-sabotage.

In my recent video, “Stop People Pleasing Now and Start Living for You,” I shared how this toxic habit drains your energy, robs you of your self-respect, and keeps you stuck in a cycle of seeking approval. Now, let’s go deeper into why it happens, how to break free, and what you can do today to start living unapologetically.

What Is People-Pleasing, Really?

People-pleasing is putting everyone else’s needs above your own out of fear—fear of rejection, fear of confrontation, or fear of being called selfish. You think saying “yes” will make people like you more, but all it really does is:

• Drain your energy.

• Make you feel unappreciated.

• Leave your own goals and dreams neglected.

Here’s the kicker: the people you’re trying so hard to please? Most of them won’t even appreciate it as much as you think.

Why People-Pleasing Is So Damaging

When you constantly prioritize others, you teach yourself (and everyone else) that your needs don’t matter. Over time, this damages your self-esteem and your relationships.

Biblical Insight: Galatians 1:10 says, “Am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” This verse reminds us that living for the approval of others will never align with the life God has planned for you.

How to Stop People-Pleasing and Start Living for You

1. Learn to Say “No” Without Guilt

Saying “no” doesn’t make you a bad person—it makes you an honest one. Start practicing simple phrases like:

• “I can’t commit to that right now.”

• “That doesn’t work for me.”

You don’t owe anyone a long explanation for setting boundaries.

2. Identify Your Priorities

If you don’t know what matters most to you, you’ll end up saying “yes” to everything. Write down your top three priorities and focus on aligning your actions with those goals.

Pro Tip: When you’re about to say “yes,” ask yourself: “Does this align with my priorities?” If the answer is no, don’t be afraid to say no.

3. Stop Apologizing for Your Needs

How often do you apologize for being busy, saying no, or even just having needs? It’s time to stop. Your time and energy are valuable, and you don’t need to apologize for protecting them.

4. Set Boundaries (and Stick to Them)

Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away—they’re about protecting your peace. For example:

• Limit how much time you spend helping others at the expense of your own goals.

• Be clear about what you can and cannot do.

Remember: Boundaries may upset some people, but their reaction is not your responsibility.

Biblical Insight: Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Setting boundaries is a powerful way to guard your heart and protect your purpose.

5. Invest in Yourself

Use the time and energy you’ve been pouring into others to focus on YOU. Start a new hobby, take care of your health, or work on a personal goal you’ve been putting off. When you invest in yourself, you’re not just living for you—you’re becoming the best version of yourself for everyone around you.

Dealing with the Guilt of Saying “No”

Let’s be real: when you start setting boundaries, guilt will creep in. That’s normal. It’s just your mind adjusting to a new way of thinking.

Here’s how to deal with it:

1. Remind yourself that your happiness is just as important as anyone else’s.

2. Repeat this affirmation: “I deserve to prioritize myself.”

3. Remember Romans 12:2: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Change takes time, but it’s worth it.

Why Prioritizing Yourself Isn’t Selfish

Here’s the truth: you can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself first doesn’t mean you don’t care about others—it means you’re showing up as your best self for them.

Even the Bible supports this balance. Matthew 22:39 says, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Notice it says “as yourself,” not “instead of yourself.” Self-love isn’t selfish—it’s essential.

Your Next Step

If you’re ready to stop people-pleasing, here’s what you can do today:

1. Say “no” to something that doesn’t serve you.

2. Write down one boundary you need to set and commit to it.

3. Take 30 minutes to focus on yourself—journal, read, or just rest.

It’s time to stop living for others and start living for YOU. The right people will respect your boundaries, and the wrong ones? They’ll fall away.

Let’s Talk:

What’s one thing you’re saying “no” to this week? Share it in the comments—I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Your life, your rules. Let’s start living unapologetically!